A lifetime role and beyond ...

"It is much easier to become a father than to be one." -- acclaimed American author Kent Nerburn

There’s a Malay saying “Sayangkan isteri tinggal-tingalkan, sayangkan anak tangan-tangankan”.
Literally it means, if you love your wife, you should be prepared to venture out to work and if you love your children, you must willing to beat them when they do wrong.
I am fortunate because my late father never laid his hand on me. He brought me up with care after my mother passed away when I was six.
As Father’s Day is being rejoiced today, my memories of growing up with my ‘Abah’ in the small town of Kuala Krai in Kelantan chokingly fills my mind. He was a school teacher then but what I learned most from him was the meaning of love.
And now that I am a Papa myself, I value the need to instill the feelings of love and humility in my children.
Looking at the saying from another view, a father need not necessarily beat or hit his children for their mistake, even a grave mistake for that matter.
What can the hand do apart from hitting or beating the child?
The hands are of course Allah’s gift for humans to carry out their work. In this instance a father has to ensure that the work he does is ‘halal’ for that would lead to ‘berkat’.
A father has to ensure that what he earns is derived from his hard toil effort and not from immoral sources or activities.
The hands should also be used to comfort the children when they need support. The effect of a father literally giving a pat on the back on his son or daughter or embracing them to show his affection can leave a lasting impact. The child will grow up to appreciate the love of the father.
Another important thing that the father should do with the hands is to put them together and say prayers (berdoa) to Allah in the hope that the children will have a good, meaningful life that could enrich the live of others.
In a nutshell, here’s something I picked up from the Net about what a father means:
Fathers are a combination of many special qualities. Father:
"F" stands for forgiving; the ability to understand that mistakes made are the tools for new learning not as a reason for negative punishment that only hurts;
"A" stands for affectionate; the constant quality that is always present no matter whether in private or public and is given without reservation;
"T" stands for teacher; the ability to share through experience, to lead by example, and to help see that negatives can be turned to positives;
"H" stands for harmony; the ability to show that balance in life is attainable and where the demonstration of compromise sets the best example of a needed life skill;
"E" stands for equity; the building of a valued relationship occurs through each day not just set aside for special days, and where love is built upon as a constant not as an exception;
"R" stands for reason; where decision are explained, where children are involved in the process of decision making and not as simply blind obedience.
B. R. Pulsifer